Funny Poems

This section of Julian's Really Cool Web Page has some really funny poems. I hope you enjoy them.

The Poems on this web page are written by Erick and John Ivey

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Erick�� � ��� � ��� � John Ivey

"The Mamookaflamanian Monkey"

'Twas a warm summer morning

A beautiful day

When I noticed my compost

Had yet to decay.

"Alas!" I cried

Feeling full of loss.

So quickly I phone called

My much hated boss.

"Oh Boss!" I cried

"Please come to my aid

For as you can see

My compost's not decayed.

"WHAT?" yelled my boss

His voice full of rage

"I'm coming o'er there

To lock you up in a cage."

"Oh no!" cried I

"What shall I do?"

When I saw my pet monkey

Play the kazoo.

"A kazoo playing monkey?"

I asked full of awe.

"No monkey," He answered.

"I'm from Mamookaflama."

"Mamookaflama?

Where is that?"

"Why should I tell you

Where the heck it is at?"

"Fine! What do I care?"

I said concealing my hate

For this little monkey

I would incarcerate.

But some how some way

Monkey discovered my plan

And hit me on the head

With a very heavy pan.

My head hurt a lot

I couldn't think anymore

But just then my boss

Walked in the door.

"You beefhead!" he yelled,

"You'll pay for this."

And then he said something

That sounded like this.

"I shall not kill you.

Rather I'll make you suffer.

I'm taking your dumb monkey

You dimwitted duffer."

"No not the monkey,"

I cried in shame.

For to fame and fortune

He was my claim.

"Heh Heh Ha Ha,"

He laughed with glee,

"I knew this monkey

Meant a lot to thee."

He grabbed the monkey

And then the kazoo.

But then I lied

"He's got the flu."

"The flu?" Asked my boss

His face showing his fear.

He paused to think

And the monkey bit his ear.

"My ear!" Screamed my boss

In obvious pain.

The pain was so great

He then went insane.

I called the asylum.

"I've got a nut in my house."

"We'll be right over

To lock up the louse."

They came right over

And dragged him away.

And he's in the asylum

To this very day.

The kazoo playing monkey

Became a star

And he made enough money

To buy me a new car.

Monkey and I

Had lots of money

So we adopted

A cute orphan bunny.

Monkey and I

Live a wonderful life

'Specially since

We've each found a wife.

I've now come to the end

Of this heartwarming story

And it wasn't at all

Violent OR gory.

Submitted by John Ivey

"Fuzzmuzz"

'Twas a happy bright morning, a beautiful day

When my poor llama Fuzzmuzz ran far away

He ran and he ran to some unknown place

No doubt full of meadows and wide open space

I was very sad for a very long while

For days and days I just would not smile

I wouldn't sleep nor would I eat

For the lack of ol' Fuzzmuzz gave foul taste to my meat

This was a pickle a predicament

For I was not healthy during my lengthy food stint

My parents were worried in a terrible mess

for they seemed to think that I was possesed

They sent out a search party across the whole land

It wasn't too cheap it cost them ten grand

They didn't speak of the money, nary a sound

They also wished that ol' Fuzzmuzz was found

But searcers found nothing, not one single clue

that would lead us to Fuzzmuzz so we decide to sue

Our case was a good one our lawyer was sweet

We were sure winning the case would be an easy feat

But the Judge was a mean one most cruel indeed

for he turned us out of court with no sympathy

we were very angry with that nasty judge

we decided to dump on him twelve gallons of sludge

We carried our plan out very deftly

the judge was angered angered terribly

He decided to destroy us once and for all

he planned to have us shot as we walked trough the mall

We went shopping that very afternoon

and were surprised whenout hopped some goon

He pulled out a pistol, a large one at that

and he shot a large hole through the top of my hat

"The judge sent me to kill you," he said with a grin

I said, "that would be a terrible sin"

"Who cares," said the goon as he took careful aim

"You or someone else? 'twould be all the same"

Just then the goon gave a short little cough

Fuzzmuzz came in and finished him off

"Oh Fuzzmuzz!" I cried, now giddy with glee

"At long last you've come home to me!"

Submitted by John Ivey

"And a haiku!!"

The magic bunny.

It keeps going and going

The energizer.

Submitted by Erick

"Erick's 'Serious' Poem"

I like to frolic in the daffodils

I wish I could go to Mexico and frolic in the daffodils

They have wonderful daffodils in Mexico

Daffodils for me to frolic in.

Submitted by Erick

"Ghosts"

Three little ghostasis

Sitting on postasis

Eating buttered toastasis

Greasing their fistsasis

Up to their wristasis

Oh what beastasis

To make such feastasis

Submitted by Erick

"A Haiku Collection"

Birmingham Bombings

Memphis's Palace is Pink

Atlanta drinks Coke

Coke's very tasty

I guzzle it every day

It quenches my thirst

Zoos have animals

Bite size monkeys and large snakes

populate the zoo

Submitted by John Ivey

"Satanic Monkeys or The Lonely Old Monk and His Red Rubber Band"

Once upon a time in a far away land

Lived a hairy old monk with a red rubber band

This monk dressed in rabbit's hide from head to toe

Why he skinned rabbits, only god would ever know

He'd trap them in little boxes deep in the wood

and cut them all up like a good trapper should

He's made coats and hats, and even some mittens

Guess what he used? The hide of four kittens

But back to the story of the lonely old monk

Who stanked like a moonk, and reeked of dead skunk

One day while slaughtering baby animals deep in the woods

He heard the faint clatter of many horse' hooves

He turned and he screamed for he saw what it was:

It was just purple monkeys eating some fuzz

But if he looked closer he would've seen it in their eyes

That old hairy monk was in for a surprise

He started walking back to his house in the town

But all of the monkey's followed him around

He started walking faster and then faster still

He noticed the monkeys follow him up a hill

And when they were secluded behind a big wall

The oldest, the meanest monkey of them all

walked up to the monk with a mighty big grin

and said to him "Boy, we are going to do you in"

The monk shook with fear and gave his reply

It was something very jumbled but the main point was "why?"

The monkey shook his head as he said with a smile

"You may want to settle down this will take quite a while"

The old monkey went in to a very long tail

some of the things he said made the old monk quote pale

for the old man found out that the monkeys worshipped satan

on this point the monkey was very blatant

as soon as the monkey was done with his story

(you might want to stop reading this it gets very gory)

The monkey said "Okay now it's time to make the kill"

The monk said "Over my dead body you will"

"That would be the point" said the monkey quite frankly

(i'm serious turn back this poem gets quite stankly)

The old man whipped out his red rubber band

and wrapped it around like a gun in his hand

He shot the monkey's leader right in the eye

And the rest of them retreated with a shrilling cry

The old man sighed and sat down on the ground

what remained of the old monkey was a big furry mound

the old man spoke up after long comtemplating

"I've come to a decision after much debating"

"The one thing you need is a red rubber band

and to know how to wrap it as a gun around your hand"

Well that is the end of this wonderful story

and it was only mildly violent and gory.

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Submitted by Erick

Thanks toand John Ivey